📖 Glossary

The words that come up — defined plainly.

Half of every awkward conversation about intimacy is a vocabulary problem: one of you means something specific, the other hears something else. Here are the terms we use across the site, defined without jargon. Nothing here is medical advice.

Aftercare: The time after an intense experience — physical or emotional — spent checking in, comforting and reconnecting. A cuddle, water, a snack, a quiet talk. It is what makes going far feel safe.
Asexual: Experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others. It is an orientation, not a problem or a phase, and many asexual people still want romance, closeness and partnership.
Boundaries: The limits you set about what you will and will not do. A boundary is about your own actions ("I won't do that"), not a rule imposed on someone else. Healthy couples state them early and revisit them.
Compersion: Feeling genuine joy at your partner's happiness or pleasure, even when it comes from somewhere other than you. The warm opposite of jealousy; common in non-monogamous relationships but useful to understand in any of them.
Consent: A clear, freely given, enthusiastic yes — for a specific thing, at a specific time, from someone able to give it. It can be withdrawn at any moment, and a previous yes never obliges a future one.
Demisexual: Feeling sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond. Part of the asexual spectrum.
Desire: Wanting sex or closeness. It comes in two flavours — see responsive desire — and knowing which one you each have explains a lot of mismatched evenings.
Edging: Deliberately pausing just before climax to prolong arousal and build intensity. Common in tantra-style practice; it requires clear communication and a stop signal.
Foreplay: Everything that happens before or around sex that builds arousal and connection. A misleading word: for many people it is not "before" anything, it is the main event.
Intimacy: Closeness. It has several kinds — emotional, physical, intellectual, experiential — and couples who only feed one kind tend to feel distant in the others.
Kink: A sexual interest outside the conventional mainstream, explored consensually. The watchwords are safe, sane and consensual (SSC) or, more recently, risk-aware consensual kink (RACK).
Limerence: The obsessive, infatuated state of early love — intrusive thoughts, craving, butterflies. It fades in months to a couple of years; lasting love is built on what comes after.
Love languages: A popular model in which people give and receive love through words, time, gifts, acts of service or touch. Not science, but a useful shared vocabulary for "this is how I feel loved".
Non-binary: Not identifying strictly as a man or a woman. Some non-binary people use they/them pronouns; using someone's stated pronouns is basic respect.
Non-monogamy: Any relationship structure that is not strictly exclusive. Includes polyamory, open relationships and swinging. It only works with full honesty and consent from everyone involved.
Orgasm: The peak of sexual pleasure — a reflex, not a score. Treating it as the goal is one of the most common ways to make sex less fun.
Pansexual: Attraction to people regardless of gender. Distinct from bisexual in emphasis rather than in kind.
Polyamory: Having, or being open to, more than one loving relationship at a time, with everyone's knowledge and consent. Not the same as cheating.
Queer: An umbrella term for people who are not straight and/or not cisgender. Reclaimed by many, still uncomfortable for some — follow the person's own preference.
Responsive desire: Desire that shows up after things get going, rather than before. If your partner has it, "just start and see" is not pressure — it is how their body works.
Safe word: A word agreed in advance that means stop immediately, no questions. Useful for anything intense, and a good idea for any game with a "no skipping" rule.
Sensate focus: A therapy exercise where couples take turns giving and receiving non-goal-oriented touch, with no sex allowed, to rebuild comfort and attention. Slower than it sounds; it works.
Transgender: Identifying with a gender different from the one assigned at birth. A transgender person's identity is not a preference or a phase.
Vanilla: Conventional or mainstream sexual taste, as opposed to kink. Not an insult — most people are somewhere on the spectrum, and it can change over time.

Want to put the words to use? Start with a conversation about sex, or pick a game that gets you talking.