🍷 The Babysitter

Who plays who

• A — The Parent: the evening is over, the sitter should have gone home, and you have stopped pretending you want them to.
• B — The Babysitter: you were hired for the evening and you are staying for reasons that have nothing to do with the job.
• A leads the first two acts. B takes the lead from Act 3.

What you need

• One glass of wine each, left unfinished on purpose
• A door you can close and lock
• A sofa or a kitchen counter away from the rest of the house
• Water and a blanket for afterwards

Act 1 — 🕯️ Setup

The house is dark and the kids are asleep, and the sitter should have gone an hour ago. Instead they are still here, one unfinished glass of wine on the counter and neither of you pretending this is about the wine. The television is off, the hall light is off, and there is nothing left in the room but the two of you.

Beats

• Keep every line about the evening, the traffic, the drive home — for now.
• The parent does not say the obvious thing. Neither does the sitter.
• Nobody closes the distance yet. The whole act happens across a metre of floor.

Lines to say

• "You do not have to rush off. The drive is bad this time of night."
• "I can leave whenever you want me to. You just have to say it."

Act 2 — 🔥 Build

The pretence runs out. One of you says the obvious thing out loud and the air changes, and the other does not step back. You both move away from the door, away from the rest of the house, and the space between you stops being distance.

Beats

• Say the honest thing once and then stop explaining it.
• Move to the far side of the house — the sofa, the far kitchen — and close one door behind you.
• The parent stays in charge through this act, but loses ground with every sentence.

Lines to say

• "I have thought about this. I did not think you had."
• "Tell me you want to stay. Not for the money — for this."

Act 3 — ⚡ Escalate

Nobody is talking about work or traffic any more. The sitter takes the lead now, all at once and without checking, and the parent hands the whole evening over. The house stays dark, the door is locked, and nothing outside this room exists.

Beats

• The sitter sets the pace and the parent stops steering.
• Keep the voices low. The house is bigger than this room, but nothing else is.
• Clothes come off in the order the sitter chooses, not all at once.

Lines to say

• "Sit down and stop doing anything. That is the job tonight."
• "You have been in charge all evening. You are finished now."

Act 4 — 💥 Climax

There is nothing left to negotiate and no reason to be careful with the volume of it. Everything built on the far side of the house gets used here. You stop being the sitter and the parent and are just two people who chose this, exactly this, tonight.

Beats

• Nobody narrates. No explaining, no asking what is wanted.
• Use the room properly: the sofa, the floor, the arm that has been holding you up.
• Let it end however it ends, with nobody performing.

Lines to say

• "Look at me. Stay exactly there."
• "That is it. Nothing else is happening tonight."

Act 5 — 🤍 Aftercare

Afterwards the house is exactly as quiet as it was before, and it is time for both of you to be adults again rather than characters. The evening gets closed properly, out loud, before anyone reaches for their coat. You put it plainly: this was a choice, not a job, and you say the real thanks.

Beats

• Say out loud that nothing outside this room was ever part of it, and that both of you chose it.
• Water, a blanket, and a few minutes where nobody has to be anyone.
• Settle how the evening actually ends: staying, leaving, or a lift home arranged calmly.

Lines to say

• "That was you choosing, not me asking. Thank you for that."
• "Nothing outside this room was ever part of tonight. Just so you know I know that."

Aftercare

Water, one blanket, and the plain sentence said out loud: nothing outside this room was ever part of it, and nobody was asked for anything they did not choose. Then the ordinary ending — staying or leaving, decided kindly — and one thing each of you liked before either of you goes.

Ground rules and consent

• The kids are asleep and stay out of the scene entirely — no monitor, no stairs, no mention of them after this line.
• Nobody knocks, nobody calls, nobody arrives. The phone stays face-down for the whole scene.
• "Anchor" stops everything in one second; a raised hand stops just the one thing.
• The sitter is an adult who stays only as long as they want to. Leaving early is always allowed and never awkward.

There is a fuller guide in Mismatched libido, if you want it.

Frequently asked