🏡 The Real Estate Agent

Who plays who

• A — The Agent: you are showing the master bedroom and you are very good at your job.
• B — The Buyer: you are looking at a house you cannot really afford to want this much.
• A leads Acts 1–3 with the tour; B takes the lead for Act 4.

What you need

• Your own bedroom, called "the master" for the evening
• A clipboard or a folded sheet of paper as the "spec sheet"
• A torch or a lamp for pointing out the "features"
• Doors you can actually close, with the safeword written on the sheet

Act 1 — 🕯️ Setup

You are showing your own bedroom as though a buyer has never seen it. The agent walks them through the landing, the light, the space — and saves the master for last. The door closes behind you both without being mentioned.

Beats

• Do the tour properly: landing, storage, light, and every reason the room is a good buy.
• The buyer asks practical questions and keeps looking past the agent at the bed.
• The agent never once names the price.

Lines to say

• "South-facing. Best light in the house, morning and evening."
• "Any questions so far? Take your time."
• "This is the master. I saved it for last on purpose."

Act 2 — 🔥 Build

The agent starts demonstrating: how the light falls, how the bed is positioned, why the room feels the way it does. Every demonstration puts the buyer in the middle of the room, and the agent stays between them and the door. The spec sheet goes down on the bed.

Beats

• The agent demonstrates each feature physically, with the buyer as the reference point.
• The buyer has to stand exactly where they are put and hold the position.
• The spec sheet stays on the bed, face up, with the safeword visible on it.

Lines to say

• "Stand here. This is where the morning light lands."
• "Feel the space. That's what you're actually buying."
• "You keep looking at the bed. It's part of the tour."

Act 3 — ⚡ Escalate

The buyer takes over the tour and starts asking to see things that were never listed: the closet, the lock, the space under the covers. The agent, professional to the last, says yes to every request. The safeword stays face up on the bed the whole time.

Beats

• The buyer names each feature they want demonstrated, and the agent demonstrates it.
• One item of the agent's "uniform" comes off per demonstration.
• Both of you stay in the master bedroom; the rest of the house is "unavailable".

Lines to say

• "Show me the closet. And the lock."
• "Demonstrate it properly. I'm a serious buyer."
• "Take off the jacket. It's warm in here, and I'm still looking."

Act 4 — 💥 Climax

The tour is over and the buyer is no longer pretending to look at the property. The agent keeps the professional voice until it stops being possible. The bed is the only feature left.

Beats

• No narration, no talk of price, no tour voice left by the end.
• Use what Act 3 built: the lock, the demonstration, the held button.
• Let it end the way your bodies want, and stop when either of you does.

Lines to say

• "Look at me. Don't look at the door."
• "That's it. Stay right there."
• "Say it back to me like it's still a viewing."

Act 5 — 🤍 Aftercare

The spec sheet goes in the bin and the door opens again. You are two people again in the bedroom you actually live in.

Beats

• Come back to your own names out loud — agent and buyer are done.
• Open the door, put the room back how you like it, and get water.
• Say which room you would make an offer on and which one you would walk away from.

Lines to say

• "I'd buy it. Obviously."
• "Next time I want to be the one showing you round."

Aftercare

Spec sheet in the bin, door open, and the two of you in your own bed with water within reach. Say one thing you liked and one thing you want next time, out loud, before either of you settles. The one who played the agent should be told clearly, in plain words, that they were wanted — and that no real property, seller or viewing was ever involved.

Ground rules and consent

• This is our own home. There is no real viewing, no seller, and nobody else on the property.
• "Blueprint" stops everything in one second, said by either of us, no explanation owed.
• The "features" are ours; nothing here belongs to anyone but us.
• The viewing ends when one of us says so; we stay in character until then and say plainly when it is over.

Before you play it, Blindfold play covers the parts that are hard to improvise.

Frequently asked